Blog: Tips for Fostering Independence in Children from Newborn to Toddlers

Fostering Independence:

Newborn to 3 months old:

In order to foster independence you need to establish trust and a sense of security with your child. With this being said, the most important thing you can do at this age is be present with your childs’ needs and be as responsive as possible. Nurturing your new little one will allow them to feel a deep sense of connection and set them up for the independence you seek as they grow and develop.

3-9 months old:

At this stage, you can foster independence by remaining responsive to their needs, but while also giving space when they are actively engaged in playing. Whether on a play mat with toys in reach, or under a mobile safe in the crib, its’ important to allow your little one to begin feeling comfortable while not in your arms. Toys and music, or laying them on a play mat with views of the outside, can stimulate your child while offering healthy distraction from needing you constantly. Allow your baby time together and time apart as they explore their own abilities and begin to trust the world around them.

9-15 months old:

Between 9-15 months, your baby will become more mobile. Independence can be best fostered by having a prepared and safe environment for your child to explore. With limited boundaries and open ended play opportunities with natural materials or even spoons and cups (doesn’t have to be fancy toys), your baby can learn to trust themselves in a safe space while having you nearby when needed. While all ages are special in their own way, this age span is especially fulfilling as your little one may be taking first steps toward independence (pun intended).

15-24 months old:

While this age group still has high needs for attachment, at times, this age group is also in a prime position to become independent. Whether it be with learning potty training, hand washing, self bathing (with supervision), beginning self dressing, or independent play…your child's curiosity and capabilities will be ever evolving. While I’m a firm believer that everyone is working on different things at different times…the independent child (Maria Montessori fosters this philosophy as well!) has so much potential, and when given the opportunity, will surprise you with what they are capable of. Do your best, however, to not encourage them to do everything “by themselves”. Many parents praise their toddler for doing everything on their own during this phase and the next…however…when the next age frame comes and you want your child to be capable of ’teamwork’ and they firmly resist…its cause you unintentionally instilled an expectation that doing things alone was good…and therefore doing things together is bad. So make sure to share a balanced perspective…that it's great to do things independently, but also in the same breath keep modeling that its also important to do teamwork sometimes.

24-36 months old:

Independence in this age frame is easiest to stomach for your child when you have the following: a prepared environment, control of error (which may be baby proofing or gently instilled boundaries so you don’t have to keep shutting down their natural desire to explore), everything possible at your child's level (their dishes in a low cupboard, their clothes in low drawers or baskets where they can independently pick their own clothes, toys in a manageable way so its easy to clean up after ones self, toothbrush and self care items in a reachable place in the bathroom, etc) and include your child in choices from dressing outfits to meals to activities (simple choices though…not too many). When you set your child up for success in this way, there is less resistance and more willingness to get through the routines of their day when it involves less need from you and gives them a more empowered sense of self.

3-6 years old:

This age span surpasses the toddler range, but is still important if you want to see the whole trajectory of independence from birth and toddlerhood to what’s next. Children in this age span can be independent in dressing, bathing, even getting healthy snacks and simple meals if they can access what is needed in the kitchen to do so. Ultimately, trust and independence go hand in hand. Your child must trust the world and themselves if they are to feel and become independent. And while independence in various developmental tasks comes at different times for different children, your role as a parent is most stress free when you do your best not to judge where your child is at compared to others. In fact, comparing your child will just make you anxious and put too much pressure on your child to live up to societies standards. Follow your child's flow and trust the process. If there are deep concerns about your child's development consult your pediatrician.

***If you want support in establishing an independent prepared environment, let me know, as I do this on a regular basis for families and I’m happy to help! Kindly, Miss Megan

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